Bobbers & Bullets

Almost true lies about hunting & fishing

“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”-Anonymous

Rhinelander’s Randy Hazelquist invents “Nano Powered” Musky lure

Using the newest state of the art “Nano Technology” Rhinelander fishing legend Randy Hazelquist has developed the first laser motor powered surface musky lure soon to be available at fine fishing tackle stores near you. The bait swims independently returning to the rod at the push of a button.

Hazelquist told reporters he has invested over 59 cents and 5 years in the development of his new line of lures. “These babies go like hell with their cute little laser powered motors…I love watching them go up and down the river…but 4 of my test models were gobbled up by real big muskies or carps or northern pikes or sumpin… I never did git em back gol-dangit anyway.”

The technology is based on discoveries at the University of Wisconsin in Madison which has led the world in research and development efforts for the new micro power source. UW Engineering students have made remarkable strides in the last 24 months bringing both international praise and millions in research dollars to the University.

Many area Fishing Guides have expressed doubts regarding the effectiveness of the new lures with Mr. Dave Doolittle of Lake Tomahawk calling the concept “Kinda goofy and doomed to failure.”

But Hazelquist is undaunted and say they will revolutionize Sport fishing. His occasional fishing Guide Denny Spencer is skeptical telling this reporter “I think Randy has gone off his meds again.”

Hazelquist said he will initially offer 5 or 6 versions of his new baits to be available by next Tuesday Nov.23^rd. They are expected to sell for about $150.00 each not including hooks or the really small little batteries which are an additional $5.00 -Gimme a dozen of each!

Rhinelander DNR says 5 deer were reportedly seen in Oneida County

Responding to continuous negative attacks regarding the pathetically low populations of white tail deer, Rhinelander District DNR Wardens held a news conference to report sightings of over 5 deer in Oneida County in the last 30 days.

“This proves beyond a doubt our herd is healthy and thriving” said Warden in Training Gary B. Gullible. When asked for more details regarding the claim. - NEXT PAGE

Gullible said “look mister you have to believe what we tell ya, have we ever led you astray before?” Bystanders told this reporter that the media people attending the news conference were rolling in the isles with laughter at the Warden’s comment.

Warden in Training Gary B. Gullible went on to say the DNR is considering bringing back the party tag system which enables 4 hunters to apply for one doe tag to be worn by a member of the group each day which enable the four hunters to share a doe. “We will have to limit the number of doe tags made available, right now we’re thinkin next year we’ll be able to award one tag, maybe two.”

With the 2010 Deer gun season only 5 days away, “Those 5 deer better find a safe place to bed down” according to hunting legend Jon Bando of Rhinelander. “With close to 30,000 hunters runnin around in Oneida County, those 5 poor deer are gonna be shot to shit if they don’t hide!” He concluded.

Bobbers and Bullets will publish a full report showing deer kill numbers, DUIs, divorce filings and other bench orders as soon as the deer gun season ends on November 28^th. –Run, Bambi run!

WI DNR defends using mechanical decoy deer, may use decoy Wardens

For those unfortunate hunters who have shot and been arrested for shooting a mechanical deer decoy the thought of the DNR setting up mechanical wardens throughout the state sends chills up the spine.

Local hunting, fishing and beer drinking legend Denny Spencer calls the plan “Outrageous and just plain not very nice!”

Mr. Spencer had the miss-fortune of shooting a DNR deer several years ago which reportedly cost him over $150,000 and another fortune in ribbing from friends and family. “I only shot at it 5 times… and I don’t ever want to go through that again…and the thought of some fake Wardens standing on a hilltop watching or taking pictures of me is scary… really scary!”

With recent budget cuts DNR officials claim the new “officers” will save money and cut down on the poaching problem and enjoyment of the deer hunting experience. “Our mechanical friends will help us enforce the game laws and allow us (real guys) to spend more time in the restaurants drinking coffee where we do our best work” said Warden Willie Ketchme from central Wisconsin.

Ketchme would neither confirm nor deny reports of a similar mechanical decoy being developed in the version of a Walleye to be introduced next spring. “We’re still thinkin on it” he said.

Reportedly the “Wardens” are so lifelike in appearance and movement that DNR employees couldn’t tell the difference from 25 yards when standing next to a human Warden. In a related story Wiesel’s Exotic Dance Club in Three Lakes announced they would be featuring five mechanical strippers during the upcoming 9 day deer hunting season as a novelty. –Mechanical lap dance anyone?